#yachtclubs – A new Dun Laoghaire-based political party, People United in Republican Endeavour (PURE), has launched its campaign for the forthcoming Local Government Elections with demands for changes in the style and names of the leading yacht clubs, both in Dun Laoghaire and throughout Ireland reports W M Nixon.
Introducing a Policy Document on behalf of PURE, the new party's spokesman Mr Hugh Mannity stated: "It makes me suffer to see these unfortunate people, the members of the Dun Laoghaire waterfront yacht clubs, being forced into aping the airs and graces of their former colonial oppressors".
"Despite the imminence of a State Visit to the Queen of England by the President of Ireland, we who are PURE demand that all vestiges of former royal dominance and patronage be removed entirely from every organisation, building and boat in Ireland".
However, Mr Mannity insisted that the changeover would be effected with a minimum of expense. "We know that perhaps the most costly aspect of this fresh new initiative will be in the changing of signs, letterheads and so forth," he said. "In the case of yachts, there would be additional expense in changing the lettering on the hulls denoting the club to which the owner belongs."
The Research Department in PURE has been burning the midnight oil, Mr Mannity claimed, in order to minimise expense, or indeed make it unnecessary altogether. "Thanks to our far-seeing think tank," he said, "the initials for the Royal Irish Yacht Club will stay exactly the same, only now it will be known as the Republic of Ireland Yacht Club".
"Equally, the Royal St George Yacht Club will retain its initials, but the title of the club will be changed to the Religious St George Yacht Club. This is because we in PURE find it doubly offensive that a leading yacht club should have a royal title combined with a political overtone which completely ignores the underlying theme of the sanctity of St George. So we hope to put the holiness back into the club for the good of its members"
"A problem arises with the Royal Alfred Yacht Club. We find it offensive that it should commemorate a now unknown son of the ruthless Queen Empress Victoria. Thus we have decided that, while it should retain its present initials, it should henceforth be known as the Real Alfie Yacht Club, named in honour of the much-loved long-term Lord Mayor of Dublin Alfie Byrne, who was also world-renowned for his pioneering work in moustache research and manipulation."
Mr Mannity continued by stating that his grouping would show its even-handedness by insisting on a change in the title of the National Yacht Club. "While we laud this fine club's lack of any royal associations in its name," he said, "we are concerned that these days too many organisations, in sailing as elsewhere, insist on having "National" in their title, thereby rendering it meaningless. Thus we will expect the NYC to become the TNYC – the True National Yacht Club. We appreciate that this will cause the members some expense, but our Field Researchers who regularly walk Dun Laoghaire's East Pier with their whippets tell us that, judging by the boats stored in the club's forecourt, the members could well afford to lay out the money on a 'T'."
When questioned about PURE's intentions regarding the Royal Cork Yacht Club, Mr Mannity said he did foresee a special problem. The Republic of Cork already existed within the Rebel County, and re-naming the club would be a matter of whether or not it became the Republic of Cork Yacht Club, or the Rebel County Yacht Club. "There could well be blood in the streets over that one" he admitted.
However, in order to show the depth of research undertaken by PURE's think tank on this entire matter, Mr Mannity pointed outthat not many people were aware that within the Royal Cork YC's present structure, the old Royal Munster Yacht Club still existed, and was recognised by the role of Commodore in the RCYC officer board, along with the Admiral.
"We feel that too many problems would be created by trying to establish a Republic of Munster in order to facilitate the existence of a Republic of Munster Yacht Club. Thus we have decided it should be re-titled the Province of Munster Yacht Club. We realise that this will necessitate a small change in the initial letter. But where some traditionalists still have RMYC across the sterns of their boat, we would point out that changing it to PMYC would only involve painting out one little leg of the letter 'R'. However, to show our goodwill, a small phial of white paint will be provided to owners to facilitate the change. We realise that this will only work with white boats. But the Irish taxpayer cannot be expected to fork out hard-earned cash for the awkward minority who insist on parading about on the ocean in boats coloured Mediterranean Blue or Sunset Red or whatever, when any civilised person knows that all proper yachts are white".
In concluding his PURE statement, Mr Mannity admitted that the root of the problem in creating a Republic of Munster lay in the continuing existence of the Kingdom of Kerry. "We're not crazy" he asserted. "We know that trying to subsume Kerry into a new Republic in a combination with Cork would be a step too far".
"Nevertheless we feel strongly that it is time and more for the good people of Kerry to reconsider their claims to the status of being a monarchy. Thus we propose what we feel will be a real vote getter. We plan to re-position Kerry as a Duchy. And plans are well advanced to request a noted KiIgarvan family to become the hereditary Dukes of Kerry. We feel sure that this brilliant innovative idea will be a surefire runner"
